“I’ve got a piece of advice for Dan Savage: stop spewing biological essentialisms about the “nature” of men or women. For as much as I agree with his conclusions about needing a plurality of socially-supported options for committed partnerships within our culture, his anti-feminist rhetoric about what women need— which offers a pretty overwrought rendering of sexual freedom as a male need, and “Mr. Darcy”(seriously?) as a female need— is straight-up stupid and completely at odds with any progressive sexual political agenda.”
And this comment totally gets to the heart of my problems with Savage, as much as I love his advice. He doesn’t really understand women sometimes.
This. Dan Savage, you’re from Seattle. You’ve generally got a-ok things to say, even though they’re also often problematic. But you got lady issues.
Ha. Did the commenter even read the article? Dan Savage doesn’t think that women “need” a “Mr. Darcy.” He says that that’s what some women expect from men (and I think that’s true), but nowhere does he say that that’s what women biologically need in order to be happy.
In fact, I think he treats men and women rather equally when it comes to “biological essentialism.” When he talks about his ideas of non-monogamy, he treats women and men the same. He knows that it’s possible for women to go out and have a meaningless fling, just as it is possible for men to not be able to do that. He doesn’t gender his idea of non-monogamy; he doesn’t say that it’s for guys and not for girls.
The only place that I found the article (about Savage, but not written by him) to be gendered (in a way I thought iffy) was when it said men are more likely than women to divorce emotions from sex. This idea is generally reinforced through the media, popular stereotypes, etc., and I can’t say it’s a fact until I see some hard studies/evidence (even though in the article it’s stated that way). Nevertheless, the bottom line is that it depends on the individual. And I think that Dan Savage realizes that. His ideas on the “nature” of men and women isn’t gendered, it’s universal.